I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
