I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
