i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
