Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
