OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
