someone threw a dead crab at me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
