I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
