Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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