broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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