So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
