the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
