and my herpes radar will keep us safe
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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