i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
