halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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