you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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