Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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