Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
