hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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