Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
well, you know. whores of a feather.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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