Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
