I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
