The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
