it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
