i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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