okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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