oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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