I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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