As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
