I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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