girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
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