I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
