What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
