im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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