your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if you like me you must not know who I am
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
