somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
