I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
