I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So squirting runs in the family.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
