Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Randomize
