We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
my liver is dry heaving
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
