it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
