and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
