sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Randomize
