im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
