I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
