maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
