you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
