I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
