I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
