it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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