My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
