I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
