I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
