What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My life is pants optional.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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